Day 49 - Trust

Day 49 - The last couple of days when I leave work this rabbit has been sitting in the grass close to where I park my van.  Each day I have sat and watched it eat the grass as if it doesn't have a care in the world.  I decided today to snap a couple of pictures of it.

This rabbit seems completely oblivious to the many stray cats that run loose in the area and it wasn't  spooked by me at all, as if it knew that I wasn't an enemy.  I sat there for a few minutes and got my camera out all while the rabbit continued to eat.  

I have a friend that has a pet rabbit.  He has lived in her home for a number of years.  Her husband calls him Bugs, but his name is really Noah.  Noah has aged, but when he was younger he would always follow her around the house.  He has been litter box trained and has been a great pet for her.

This rabbit is like a small child with it's trust.  I could have gotten even closer to it because it seemed to trust me even though it didn't know me.  I remember well when my kids would talk to anyone about anything.  I would warn them of strangers, but they still seemed to trust everyone.  Sometimes I think this is because they were brought up in a small town setting where there weren't many that we considered strangers.  I still warned them of the dangers of those that we didn't know, and even sometimes of those we do.

The world is a wonderful place, filled with many wonderful people and things.  I choose to see the beauty in the world and continue to trust those around me until I have been given a reason not to.  I do, however, realize that there are times when we must heighten our sense of awareness and be more cautious.  I am sure the rabbit above was constantly smelling the air for danger even though he appeared to be calm and unaware.

After Josh graduates from college next week I hope that as he enters the real world that he continues to see the world in the wonderful way he always has, but with a certain sense of awareness so that he remains safe.  I know that he will encounter those that aren't deserving of his trust and I hope that he has the ability to smell trouble before it happens and avoid it like the rabbit above avoids the predators that would do it harm.

If you get the opportunity to enjoy nature in all its glory, do so and embrace the beauty of it.

Day 48 - Buddies

Day 48 - Recently I was at one of Kaden's Altamont Lions Club basketball games and I decided to take a couple of pictures of my grandson, Kale, and his best buddy, Garrett.  These two are, as my mom would have said, thick as thieves.  They are best of friends while attending Frog Pond, or at daycare during the day.  These two look for one another and usually when they are together their smiles look like they did above.

Growing up I remember some of my many childhood friends.  Some I have found on Facebook and some I consider my family because they are still a big part of my life today.  I know that all of these people mattered and came into my life at a time in my life where they assisted me in becoming who I am.  I consider myself so blessed to have a number of friends that I also consider family.  I have a few that are my lifeline when I need one.  They seem to know that I need to hear from them even before I realize it myself.  They seem to contact me for some reason just when I was thinking about them.  These people know who they are and they know that although we may not talk on a daily basis they are in my prayers and my thoughts each day.

Watching my grandsons bond with their friends, some are their cousins as well as their friends, is so rewarding.  I know that some of these bonds may not be a forever bond, but as they share these smiles, and memories they are still helping them grow into future best friends for someone, and hopefully the bond with these special people will continue.

I know that family is so important to me, I also realize that family isn't always the person that is related to you through blood or marriage.  I am very lucky to say that I feel a friendship with many members of my family, but I also feel a kinship like family with some of the best people in the world, my dear friends.

The kind words from friends on Facebook when I lost each of my parents are still considered dear to me.  The kind & loving conversations I have had with those close to me when I needed a shoulder to lean on have helped me survive some dark times in my life.  When I was sick those that were there to encourage me throughout my healing helped more than I can ever express.

If you have a friend or many friends that are family to you, count your blessings.  Those in your life that you choose as family are special, appreciate them and let them know that you do.  To all of you, and you know who you are, that have been and/or are that friend to someone, including me, Thank You.  Thanks for all you do and thanks for being you.

Day 47 - Busy as a Bee

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Day 47 - This picture was taken outside of Bahrns Equipment.  I have enjoyed the blooms of this plant each spring for a number of years, but I guess I never took the time to notice the bees that were working so feverishly to pollinate this and many other plants.  A co-worker mentioned the bees so I thought I would try to take a picture of one of them.  This was from a distance but as I watched them go from bloom to bloom never staying in one spot for long I was impressed with their work ethic.

As a person with self diagnosed Attention Deficit I can relate to this bee.  I go through my average day with a number of projects on my desk and trying to force myself to finish each one before allowing my mind to fly off to something or somewhere else.  I realize that if I finished one thing before changing gears I could probably accomplish so much more, but this is the way I have went through life in general.  Like this bee, I do get a lot of things done, but sometimes it is hard for others to follow my progress.  This bee didn't sit still very long so I took a number of shots before I got this photo.  It is in no way a picture that is of the quality of many I have seen, but it is an attempt and it is one of the better bee pictures I have ever gotten.  I will admit, I haven't tried many times before, but I will assure you it won't be my last attempt either.

If you are a person that has everything in life figured out and planned down to the moment, more power to you.  I do admire that trait in people.  I will have to say, though, that my life, filled with spontaneity and free spiritedness, is kind of interesting as well.  Our family does a lot of last minute planning.  This has allowed us many fun memories.  My goal is to be a little more organized and my challenge to those friends of mine that are always on time, always have their life planned out and organized is to be a little more bee like and see what memories can be made.

Have a wonderful day and be happy with yourself.  Give yourself and those you love some slack and enjoy the outcome.

Day 46 - Serenity

Day 46 - This picture was from an evening I noticed another pretty sunset. I had to stop and take a few shots of it.  When the sky turns these beautiful colors it is a shame to not take the time to really appreciate it.  I can remember a time not too long ago that I wouldn't have even given it a second look.  I may have glanced in its direction without really noticing it.  But today it actually caused me to stop my van and really look at it.

The photo above is what I see as serenity.  It shows the beauty in simplicity.  An evening sky, a tree and an empty field turn into something beautiful when nature takes control.  I know I shoot a lot of sunrises and a lot of sunsets.  I just seem to feel close to those that I miss when I look at the beauty in the sky.  As a kid I always loved lying on the green grass and watching the clouds form.  We would see a dog or a horse, sometimes we would lay there for hours.  We didn't have a worry in the world then.  The problems we did have were so minor.  As I stopped my van to look take this picture I just sat there and enjoyed it for a few minutes.  In those few minutes it was easy to stop thinking about any issues of the day and just enjoy the view.

In the real world we live in there is so much day to day stress and sadness.  We learn to block it out and go through the motions to survive without feeling too much of the pain.  Watching as one family and many friends deal with the loss of a young mother to cancer and another family buries a new baby is sad beyond belief.  On the other hand, the happy memories those same people have of their loved ones are like the beauty in this sunset.  Isn't it incredible how a happy memory can bring a person from despair to a point of serenity.  I know that remembering something happy about one of my loved ones can bring me to a place where I can't help but smile.  When I remember a funny joke that Dad had said or a genuine hug from Mom I sometimes still feel their presence as if I haven't lost them at all for a moment or two.

As the spring and summer months arrive, I wish everyone has moments of serenity and when those moments arrive that we all take the time to stop life for a few moments and really, really notice them.

Day 45 - Future

Day 45 -This weekend we celebrated the engagement of our youngest daughter to her boyfriend.  These two have been best friends for a long time and a little over a year ago they officially began dating.  Kevin had asked Todd's permission to marry Jill back in January so we knew it was gonna happen but just didn't know when or where.

I think these two make such a great couple, and I think that the fact that they knew one another as friends for so long only makes things even better.  I see them together and they have a lot in common, but one of the best things I see is that they are themselves in front of one another.  They have seen one another at their best and at their worst and still find one another attractive.

Marriage and relationships are tough, my kids have seen the good, the bad and the ugly.  As I have said many times our family is who we are - we don't pretend to be something that we aren't.  My kids have seen a few times throughout their lives that weren't the best, but they have also been a part of so many happy memories.  They know that we are in this for the long haul and that Todd and I have one another's backs and will be there for one another through the bad times as well as the good ones.  I have always told my kids that marriage isn't easy and it isn't something to go into lightly.  It should be something that you go into only when you are ready to sacrifice and put another's needs in front of your own.

I have also told my kids that you can't expect another person to be responsible for your own happiness.  If you can't be happy with yourself, you will never find happiness in a relationship.  I am a firm believer that each person in the relationship should have their own hobbies and friends as well as things and people you have in common.  There have been many times that Todd and I do things together, but there are also times that we enjoy doing our own things.  Todd is a bird hunter and that is something that doesn't appeal to me.  I am glad he enjoys it and I don't mind cooking the birds he brings home, but to get up on a sub zero morning to go out and hunt them doesn't sound fun to me.  I, on the other hand enjoy a houseboat trip with some of Todd's siblings and a friend of mine because he has no desire to join us.  I think our marriage is good because we are both fine with that.

When someone finds the person that they plan to spend the rest of their lives with, it is a special thing.  I am excited for what the future brings for this particular couple.  Kevin and his family have been like family to us for a number of years.  His dad and Todd were very good friends, and we think the world of his mom.  I have always felt like the Koester family is just an extension of our own, now as we plan the upcoming wedding they will officially be a part of our family soon.

If you have found the person in your life that makes you smile, that is there to support you when you need it and enjoys celebrating the good times with you as well, take care of the relationship.  If you are dating someone that doesn't do this for you, before you commit to the rest of your life make sure that you will be as happy waking up with that person 40 years from now as you when you marry.  Make sure that person supports who you are and who you want to be so they will be happy to ride along in the game of life.  Make sure that you aren't attracted to just the way they look but also who they really are inside.  If you look at that person and you feel that they are okay for now, but not what you see yourself with for the long haul don't continue in the relationship because it isn't fair for you or for them.

I believe that the things that irritate you a little when you are dating have the potential to drive you crazy when you are married.  Sometimes those things that you find adorable when you are dating become major pet peeves when you are together every day.  It is important to marry a person that you find beautiful on the inside, because if you are only attracted to the outside appearance you will be so disappointed when those looks fade.

Most days I feel so very lucky to have found Todd.  Some days I am sure he wonders what the hell he was thinking when he married me, but I can assure you that as we grow old together we both know that each of us are better people and we are better off because we have one another.  I can't imagine the past 30+ years of life without Todd by my side.  I thank God every day for my family and all the happiness they bring.  I enjoy each memory more that they may ever understand.

Day 44 - Storms

Day 44 - This morning there were storms rolling in and as I waited at a stoplight I thought this was an interesting photo.  It shows the storm clouds above but in the distance, but not too much of a distance is St. Anthony church.  The oncoming traffic with their lights on added just a little something to it for me.

I think that everyone has to survive the storms in their life in order to enjoy the sunshine.  The dark clouds sometimes are merely the negative thoughts in our minds or the people that bring drama into our lives.  I believe that these storms, like those that nature brings are purposeful.  The storms of nature knock frail branches from trees, and the rains cleans the dust and dirt from the area.  The storms in life help us appreciate the good things when they arrive.  If every day was full of sunshine and warmth would we really appreciate it after a while?  I tend to believe that eventually it would become boring and we would no longer smile at the sight of it.

This year my father passed away.  When I think of that day, it is still hard to deal with.  Seeing Dad there with a breathing tube coming from his mouth when we arrived at the hospital.  And watching even after they removed it as he took each breath wondering if that would be the final one.  As I rubbed his head, which when he was alive irritated the hell out of him, I just wanted him to open his eyes and tell us all he was okay.  I knew that wasn't going to happen, the doctors had been very clear about what the outcome would be.  This particular storm in my life was really dark, but it also allowed our family to stop and take time to remember all the sunshine that Dad brought into our lives. We all have so many memories of good times and fun things we did with him.  Be it an inappropriate comment or just a smile and a hug.

In the picture above although the storm clouds are lurking above the church ahead it lit up as if to guide the way.  I believe that through the storms in life if we allow the light into our lives it will help make the storms more bearable.  Some of nature's storms have destroyed entire communities, taking peoples homes, businesses and even lives.  I know that currently a young local mother and her two young boys are in the midst of a storm that has been relentless.  She has shown strength through this storm and is being protected as much as possible through the prayers of the whole area.  Like a community that is preparing for a hurricane by boarding up windows and making sure things are ready for the high winds, everyone that knows LeAnn or knows anyone that knows her has her surrounded by prayer. I feel that although she has already endured more than anyone should and as she prepares for whatever the Lord has in store for her she has shown amazing strength and faith.

Sometimes the storms bring damage that can't be repaired, and we have to deal with the devastation as best as we can.  If we can look beyond this devastation, as hard as it sometimes is we can see the light and the beauty of what is ahead for us.  I believe in my heart that although I miss my parents in the day to day life here I will be reunited with them in another place.  I also believe that they no longer deal with any pain or suffering.  I believe that the afterlife is our sunshine after the storms we endure here.

If you are in the midst of a storm, find shelter in others and in your faith.  If you are constantly under a dark cloud because you allow those negative people and things into your life do something to change it.  Try to be the light in someone's life and bring positive thoughts to them. Before you speak, stop and think about what you are about to say.  If it isn't something positive, maybe you can try to change your thoughts and change what it is before sharing it.  We not only have the power to help change the world for the better, we have the responsibility to do so too.

Day 43 - April Showers

Day 43 - I am so happy to see something like this on my car windows rather than the white frozen stuff.  There are so many sayings about rain.  There is the April showers bring May flowers. Or, Dolly Parton said, "If you want to see a rainbow you have to put up with some rain".  "Into each life some rain must fall", was said by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.  Denzel Washington said "You pray for rain, you gotta deal with the mud too".  All wise statements and it helps see the rain as a good thing even when there is no sunshine to go with the drops.

I am happy to see these drops, I love the sound of rain hitting the window, and absolutely love the sound of thunder rolling in the distance. I even enjoy the lightning lighting up the sky at night.  Note I enjoy all this most when it is at a distance away.  We all know that we need rain and without it we wouldn't have the beautiful flowers and life that it brings.

I remember as a kid we loved playing in the rain.  We would run and let it drench us as we played without a care in the world.  We really loved it with the area ditches would fill up with the water and we could play in it.  We didn't worry about getting dirty or getting hurt.  Heck we would pull an occasional leach off of ourselves afterward but we always had fun.

As I looked out my car window through the drops of rain on this morning I noticed how the things in the distance kind of blur.  I realize that so many times we allow the rain that falls to blur what is important in life.  We allow the rain to dampen our happiness and instead of embracing it for all the good things it brings we instead sit and pity ourselves because it isn't what we wanted.

Sometimes I think we ask for something and in our hearts we really believe that is what we need.  The plan that is our life may lead us entirely in a different direction.  We can't see the big picture because we aren't looking past the raindrops in our life, instead we are trying to look through them.  As we sit and worry about what we missed we are many times missing out on opportunities that are still right in front of us because they don't look exactly like what we wished for.

I challenge us all to try to make out what that blurred picture ahead is.  Try to see the sunshine in the drops of rain that fall into our lives.  If you have been praying for one thing try to see that maybe it will be delivered to you in many small packages instead of all at once.  Realize that although the life you have may not look exactly like the one you dreamed of, it may still be a work in process.  Maybe it is something that you wanted but some assembly is required and you have to get your tools of life out to help put it together.

My parents always said that if it comes easy, it probably isn't worth as much as those things that you had to really work for.  So make sure that your life is something worth working for and make it worth the effort.

Into all of our lives some rain will fall.  I hope that each of us take the time to dance in it and remember what it is like to enjoy life.  Put your worries aside for a moment and be grateful for those drops of rain and the beauty it will bring behind it.

Day 42 - 22 years

Day 42 - Today is a picture of Josh performing.  I know I have written in the past about him making me laugh.  Today is his 22nd birthday so I decided today's post would be about him.  He is the baby of our family and in many ways he is the typical baby... He has been spoiled, not only by me, but probably even more so by his two big sisters.  Growing up he has been the one that doesn't worry about much.  He not only doesn't sweat the little stuff, sometimes even the big things are just minor inconveniences for him.  He almost always finds a comedic twist to a situation.  Josh is full of life and if possible he is going to do whatever it takes to make you laugh.  Much of his comedy is aimed at himself because he has always been one that was able to take himself lightly.

I always enjoy watching Josh perform.  It doesn't matter if it is stand up or in a theatrical performance.  When I see him on stage I can see that he is doing what he loves.  He has never had a problem with being the center of attention.  We have come across some old home movies when he would continue to find the camera and find a way to be in front of it.  Watching him talk to others after a show is always gratifying to me too.  He is sincerely appreciative of everyone that comes to see him perform.

When Josh was born, the expectations for him were high.  Todd, being the big sports nut imagined his son that would play basketball and baseball.  He was given the nickname J.T.  and the phrase that went with it was JT for Three..as we imagined all the three point shots he would be shooting.  Todd would pitch to him and teach him to pitch in hopes of watching his baseball career blossom.  As he got older it was apparent that he had no interest in playing sports (kind of got his athleticism from me).  At first Todd was disappointed, but over time he came to realize that Josh's passion was something that we could enjoy as well he was really okay with it.  After watching Josh, as a freshman in high school land the lead of Robin Hood in the spring production we knew that he had found his calling.

Recently the Alestle did an article on Josh where he commented "I'm quite the attention whore".  I laughed when I read that and when I read the wonderful things that a couple of his SIUE professors/directors had to say about him I realized that he really did make the right choice for himself when we decided on Theater Performance studies at Southern Illinois University Edwardsville.  They have helped him develop into a confident, and talented performer.  We are realistic in what the future holds for Josh.  We realize that although he is talented and really enjoys what he is doing we know that the opportunities for him to be successful in the entertainment industry are not huge.  He is willing to sacrifice a lot.  He knows he will not be able to marry or start a family for a long time if he wants to work at his career.  I just know that when you are as passionate about something as he is, and you enjoy doing what you're doing like he does that you would be crazy not to make the attempt to be able to do that every day.

Josh has brought me 22 years of happiness.  Don't get me wrong there have been some times in the past 22 years that haven't been as wonderful as others, but I can assure you that I wouldn't trade any of my kids for anything.  I will support him, whichever direction he decides to go and I hope that he always keeps his view of life, because I believe that this world would be better if all of us had a little more Josh in them.

As a parent it is right to dream of a wonderful future for your children.  It is good to think about what your hopes and dreams for that child are, but it is also important to remember that they will be their own person.  Their interests may not correspond with yours.  They may be a Cubs fan even though you have raised them, rightfully, to be a true Cardinal fan.  You may dream that they be a doctor or a lawyer and they may choose to be a cowboy or a mechanic.  All I know is that when you see your child grow into what they dream to be and you see them happy doing what they love it should be what dreams are made of.

Happy Birthday Joshua Todd Funneman - I have thoroughly enjoyed the past 22 years and I so look forward to what the future holds. I can't wait to see you performing at the Effingham Performance Center on May 8th.  You continue to make us proud as you continue to entertain the world with your talent, your wit and your ability so see the brighter side of life.  Stay true to yourself and I truly believe you will go far.  Thanks for making my world better by being such an important part of it.

Day 41 Like a Mother

Day 41 is a picture that I didn't take today, I took it at my grandson's birthday party last month.  This evening I didn't take a picture, instead I attended a memorial service for Todd's cousin, Joe Chisler.  I didn't know Joe real well, but the times I was around Joe he was always friendly and had a great attitude.  This was exceptional, especially considering that he was in a car accident in the 90's that left him paralyzed from the waist down.  He still showed the love he had for family, and lived a pretty independent life.  He was remembered tonight by a lot of people with some really great memories.  I wish his family much peace and I hope their many memories will help them through this difficult time.  I believe that he is now again healthy and able to walk and hunt and fish like he did so many times before the accident.

I thought I would look through my memory card in my camera to find a picture to write about.  I came across this one.  I know that I have already posted it on Facebook, but I didn't get the chance to comment on the three wonderful ladies that are in the picture.

My step-mother, Kathy, is the one on the left.  She has been in my life since I was five years old.  She married my dad in 1969 and was a wonderful wife to him for so many years.  She has always been willing to let Dad spend time with us and quietly take the backseat when we were around.  I know that she had to sacrifice so much over the years because she always tried to make sure that Dad could do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it.  Instead of spending money on wedding rings when they first got married, the funds went to buy Christmas bikes for JR and me.  She continued to allow him to come and visit whether the extra money was there or not.  I don't know that I really appreciated all that she did until just a few years ago.  Kathy never tried to take my mom's place with us, maybe because no one could have done that, but I think it was more than that.  I have been lucky to have her as a step mother over the years and I know that Dad was also lucky to have her as his wife.

In the middle is my mother-in-law, Babe.  This woman never ceases to amaze me.  Her mother died in childbirth when she was only two years old.  She was the baby of the family, which is where she got the nickname Babe.  Her father, or "Daddy" as she calls him, was an older dad, but he made sure she was raised right and knew she was loved.  I am always amazed at how well she raised her own kids without having a mom to help or show her the right way.  She was raised Catholic and remains very strong in her faith to this day.  She is the mother-in-law that I want to be.  The kids all want to be around her, the grand kids and their friends all love being around Grandma Babe.  She loves her family and is always the life of the room.  Babe lost her husband when she was in her early 50's.  She never dated after because she always felt that her kids and grand kids were enough to fill her life.  My mom considered her a friend and enjoyed being around her.  She has one of those personalities that kind of draw a person in and when that happens you become like family.

The wonderful lady on the right is my ex-mother-in-law.  Grandma Bette, she is one of the sweetest ladies around.  She would give you the sweater off of her back, even if she was freezing.  I wasn't her daughter in-law for long, but I feel like she is still my mother in-law to this day.  I always look forward to a "Grandma Bette hug" or to hear "Well hello sweetie".  She is always trying to help someone and I remember well when she would way overspend on Christmas because she just loved to make others happy.  No matter how many times everyone would tell her not to, come Christmas morning there was always way more than there should have been under the tree.  She knew she would have to work overtime for months to make up for it, but she didn't care.  I always looked forward to the holidays when I would go to pick Heather up from her house because I knew I would get a few minutes to visit with her.  She was a good friend to Mom, they worked together at World Color Press for a long time.  I know Mom thought a lot of her.  No matter what is going on she has a way of making you feel like one of the most important people in the world.  When I mention her name to others, I always hear, "She has the heart of gold" and it is so true.

I think my three grandsons are so very lucky to have these wonderful people in their lives and to be able to call all of them Grandma.  I hope that when they are grown that they appreciate these ladies like I do and I hope that I can even begin to walk in the Grandma footsteps that they have made, because although their shoe sizes aren't extreme, those are some pretty big shoes to fill.

Be kind, love those who are important in your life and be happy!