Day 40 - Dads

Day 40 - I guess I am cheating on this picture, of course I didn't take it because I am in it.  It was taken by Larry Banbury of Montage Photography on July 4, 1987, he took all of our wedding pictures.  I decided to post this picture today because it includes two important people that aren't with us physically anymore.  Our fathers are a big part of who Todd and I are.  I only knew Ralph for about five years, but I see a lot of his qualities in Todd.  He could talk to anyone, he didn't mind being the life of the party and he was a man that when he knew something was the right thing he stood by it.  My dad taught me to laugh hard, love harder and live life to the fullest.  I miss these two guys a lot.  The world and my life are much better because they were a part of it.  I am happy that I have a good mix of my mom and my dad and Todd can say the same about himself.

I have some good friends that have parents that are in poor health.  I feel for them because in a lot of ways they have also lost their parents.  Sometimes a person that is still here physically can be lost because mentally they are not themselves.  I have said so many times that although I miss both my parents more than I could ever have imagined, I also feel lucky because I didn't have to experience watching them suffer.  Todd's dad, Ralph, passed in his sleep with no suffering.   I know that when a person passes this way there is a lot of unanswered questions, no chances of hearing their final thoughts or hearing them tell you that they love you, but I also know that my memories of all of them are good.   They died knowing that they were loved and I know that they cared about those that loved them.

The picture above was one that both Dads wanted taken after our wedding.  They didn't know one another very well here on earth, they didn't get many opportunities to hang out, but I hope they are hitting it off in Heaven.

If you still have your parents here with you be thankful and show them all the love you can.  If you haven't talked to your parent(s) for a while, please call, or even better go and visit.  Be thankful for what you do have.  I also realize that there are many people who would love to have a relationship with their parent or parents but there are circumstances out of their control.  I feel for those that didn't have the chance to love or be loved, because everyone deserves to feel important.  If you can relate, please do what you can to stop the circle of abuse if you can.   If your parents didn't know how to express love to you, or if you haven't felt like you could do anything to please them I hope that some day you will find that although they didn't show it, they did love you and the way you were treated isn't because of anything you did, it is possibly because they just didn't know any better, maybe they were treated the same and just didn't know how to love and be loved.  These people are the ones that I feel the most pity for.  I can't imagine not being able to let my kids know that I am so very proud of them, that I love them more than life itself.

If you don't have kids of your own, you can still share love with those around you.  I have some very dear friends and family that don't have children.  I know they probably get tired of my mindless rambling about my kids and grand kids. I hope they know that if they weren't so important in my life I wouldn't share these details with them.  I have some dear friends that are more like sisters to me because they have been there for me through so much and I feel like I have the opportunity to share parts of their life like a part of a family would.  These friendships are such an important part of my life.

I miss my parents, I know I have said that many times and will probably say it many more times in the future.  My challenge today is that no matter who it is in your life, a parent, a sibling, a cousin, aunt, uncle or just a friend that means a lot to you, say a prayer for them, touch base with them if you have the opportunity to let them know that they are important to you and remember we are all fighting our own battles.  Some of us are struggling and others are winning the battle at the moment, but everyone can use a smile and a kind word.

Have a great week!

Day 39 - My Son

 

Day 39  is a picture of Josh.  Well it is Josh and another SIUE student, David Zimmerman, in the midst of performing one of the many "one-act" plays during the SETO Uncapped Theater.  SETO stands for Student Experimental Theater Organization.  I have been to a few of these over Josh's time at Southern Illinois University, Edwardsville, but this will most likely be the last.  Is it the last because I don't enjoy them? No.  I am just being realistic that had my son not been a part of them over the past few years I wouldn't have known about nor probably taken the time to go and see them.  If I lived closer to Edwardsville I would probably attend many more shows there because the ones I have seen have been good.

As for this years Spring SETO show, Josh played many different parts.  He opened both acts with some of his standup.  Most in the audience appreciated his comedy, a couple didn't seem so impressed.  Heather and I noticed one gentleman sitting a row in front of us that didn't seem to enjoy much of the show at all.  We laughed at the funny skits and when the deep, sad ones ended we took a moment to stop and think about it. From the way I understand it the students write, direct and cast the different plays which is what I find very interesting.  Was Josh's satirical portrayal of Jesus my favorite role he ever played, of course not. I enjoyed it because I realized it was a role he was playing.  A few in the audience were less than impressed with the play in general and one or two probably left the theater  not liking different students because of the characters they had portrayed.  I felt each of the actors did a great job with the different parts they performed.  I also feel that it would be easy to take only the roles that you want to be associated with; that the challenge in acting becomes playing someone completely different than yourself.  

As I close I want to again give a standing ovation to all of the theater students at SIUE that I have had the opportunity to watch on the different stages there.  You have all impressed me.  I have watched some plays that made me laugh a lot, some have touched my deepest thoughts and one or two that made me step out of my comfort zone and really think about them in order to appreciate them.  I can honestly say that I have enjoyed them all.  

As Josh's college career winds down I find myself getting more and more emotional.  After each performance I can't wait for him to come out afterwards so we can take a few pictures and talk about the performance.  I haven't made it to every performance of every play, but I have tried.  

If you have kids that enjoy sports, or anything for that matter embrace it.  Go to support them.  I have been lucky that my three all participated in different things.  I had a cheerleader, one that played basketball and ran track and cross country and then I have my actor/comedian.  I have enjoyed each event and am proud of all three of them.

Enjoy the day and if you have the opportunity to help make someone else's day better please do so. 

Day 38 - Under Construction

Day 38 - Today's picture is of the crew that is working on the new building that is going up for Bahrns Equipment.  This building will be an addition to the building that we already occupy and will be more for warehousing than anything.  I have worked for the Bahrns family for over 25 years and  they have been in business for a lot longer than that.  As for this project, I was amazed to see the construction crew out there working in the mud when the snow was still melting and there wasn't a dry spot to be found.  I didn't know that you could pour concrete in those conditions but they showed me that I don't know anything about concrete.

Construction is always exciting.  Whether the construction is a new building or changing something about an existing structure, it is always new and different.  Stan designed this new project, just like he did our main building.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  We were doing business at 913 E. Fayette and he drew up the plans for what was going to be our new building on Banker.  Each day he would come in with a new idea for where our offices would be located, or where the bathrooms would be.  Each day was something new to discuss, it was great planning and picking out all the new colors and furniture.  We have been at our "new location" for over 22 years and I still think Stan did a great job designing it.

Construction isn't just for buildings.  In some ways, our lives are constantly under construction.  As we grow up our parents are like the architects in charge of developing the blueprints to help build us into responsible adults.  During the teen years there are plenty of redesigns and remodels that are necessary.  The picture of the finished project in our parent's heads many times isn't how we turn out at all.  As adults, it is our turn to redecorate and rearrange things to make the life that we dream of for ourselves.  Once we have grown up we then have to take responsibility for the maintenance of our lives.  At that point if we don't like the way we have turned out we have to step up and be the one that changes the floor plan.

I think if we aren't developing we are withering away.  Each day is another opportunity to learn something new, improve on the person we are, or help another person in some way.  I think that these are ways that we are always under construction.  Every day we are alive and able to do good deeds is a good day.  Allow yourself the opportunity to help others and when needed be helped by others as well.

As I closed today's blog, I want to ask for prayers for a local mother of two young sons who is battling for her life.  She has been an inspiration to many and has many close friends and family in the area that are all hurting as they witness her fight.  I hurt not only for her but for her boys, her parents and all that care so deeply for her.  They are all in my thoughts and prayers tonight.  I know there are many out there fighting this terrible fight.  Show those you love that you care, be the best you can be to yourself and those you love.  Be thankful for what you have and live each day as if it were your last.

Day 37 - Good Morning!

Day 37 - This picture was one that made me stop my van on the way to work because I just loved the colors of the sky at sunrise.  This is actually facing south so it isn't really of the sunrise, but the sky was just so pretty.  It was a good morning.  This time of year I consider any morning without anything frozen on the ground a good morning.  It was a wonderful spring morning.

Every morning the alarm goes off and the list of things that have to be accomplished starts rolling in the mind.  The tempting snooze button is right there so big and easy to touch to make the very annoying song of "Good Morning - Good Mooorning it's time to wake up now, good morning good morning to you!" stop playing.  If I take the first alarm I will have time to get up walk on the treadmill for a few minutes or go up and down my steps a few times before jumping into the shower..... but if I allow myself to touch that snooze button that is so inviting I can allow myself nine - yes nine more minutes of some of the best sleep of the entire night.  I'm not going to lie to you, and if you know me it won't be hard for you to figure out which is the norm for me.  Yep, snooze it is.  Todd always reminds me that if I just set the alarm for when I really need to get up we could both enjoy nine - yes nine more minutes of really good sleep, but there is always the chance that this morning is going to be one of my get up on time mornings, I refuse to give up the hope.

Anyway, whether I am walking, climbing or snoozing it has become my goal to first take time to give thanks for another day of life.  Then I give thanks for the fact that I do have a job, am healthy enough to go there.  I then give thanks for my family and friends and pray for their health and the health of those they love.  I didn't always do this, I used to just wake up, go through the motions and really not take the time to appreciate all that I do have.  I went through a good part of life being jealous for those that made more money, were thinner and prettier than I am, had the big houses and fancy cars and not even realizing how good I really had it.  After getting so sick back in 2007 and 2008 I made a promise that if I survived that illness that I would not take those things for granted again.  I realized that by being envious of all the things that I didn't have I had completely under-appreciated all that I did have.

Is my life perfect, no not by a long shot, but is is perfect for me, I really do believe it is pretty darn close.  Does this mean I won't dream of being in great shape, making more money, being debt free and having a newer vehicle?  No, those will still be thoughts, but before I am envious of those that seem to have so much more than I do, I will take inventory and realize just how lucky I am to have what I have.

So Good Morning/Afternoon/ or Evening to you.  Please take inventory, say thanks for what is there and work on what needs improved a little at a time.  Realize that sometimes those that seem to have it all together aren't any better put together than those of us that show our faults.  At least I am gonna believe that as I take my next nine - yes nine minute snooze.

Day 36 - Go With the Flow?

Day 35 - This picture was taken on a road near my house.  I don't know why but flowing water has always intrigued me.  I always love the sound of water in movement.  The ocean is a noise that I can close my eyes and imagine the salt water smell even if the sound of the ocean is only coming from a white noise maker.

As a little girl I loved the creek by my Aunt Norma's house.  After a rain it filled so much and ran so swift that we weren't allowed to play around it, but on a normal day it didn't have much water in it so it was a great place to play.  We could catch crawdads, worms, minnows and tadpoles.  Some of the poor tadpoles would then be held captive until they became frogs.  We would play for hours getting wet and muddy and sometimes in trouble because it was easy to lose track of time when you were playing in the creek.

When I was young I also loved Winnie the Pooh books.  I especially remember the games of pooh sticks that were played in some of the stories.  I loved playing Pooh sticks and even taught the game to my kids.  The game, for those of you that have never had the chance to learn it, is played by all contestants dropping a stick on one side of the bridge then running to the other side to see whose stick would come out first.  This can only be accomplished, of course if you drop the stick off the correct side of the bridge.  For if, you see, you drop it off the wrong side of the bridge, it won't go under the bridge at all, but on down the creek.  I give this bit of information, because as a young child I had to learn that the hard way by losing what could have potentially been a winning stick.  I know on occasions that I didn't have anyone to play with I loved to play the game alone by choosing two sticks and seeing which would win.  I know.... simple minds..  but it was a great way to entertain myself and not destroy anything.  I think my goal of this spring is to teach my older grandsons the game of Pooh sticks.  They may think Grandma has lost it by playing such a boring game, but I have a feeling that they will be interested as well.  There is just something about such a simple game that is intriguing.  I challenge you to play at least a game or two yourself.

Water is such an important part of our lives.  Our body is more than 60% water.  It is something we can't live without, but we take it for granted.  I know I have EJ Water at our house and we have never had a time when water didn't free flow from my faucet at our home.  In other homes I have lived we had well water and if the pump quit there was no water, or if the well ran dry you were pretty much out of luck until it rained or you hauled water in.  After a time or two of getting nothing out of a faucet one learns quickly to appreciate the preciousness of water.

As I said, flowing water is something that has always caught my attention.  To watch a stream or a river flow is something that could entertain me for hours.  Watching its swift current and seeing the items it picks up along the way is something of a work of art.  I hope someday to be able to capture a photo that will truly show the beauty of it.

Today, besides scheduling a game of Pooh sticks in your future, I challenge you to think about a water current, and how it in someways stays in its banks but it also continues to carve its own path as well.  Over time it becomes bigger or sometimes it makes an entirely new path by slowly changing the world around it.  I think we can be like a river, we can help change the world for the better by slowly eroding the negativity by being positive and using smiles and good deeds to help make a new path.  Let's give it a shot.

Day 35 - Family Time

 Day 35 - This past weekend I headed over to Indiana.  I hadn't been that direction since Dad's funeral.  It was kind of an emotional trip.  You see when you lose a parent that lives away from you and you don't see every day I think your coping mechanism is you just think you haven't seen them for a while.  But when you go to where they should be it becomes more of a reality.  This trip was made by Jill and I.  We headed over this weekend because two of my nieces had performances this weekend.

Saturday night we got into town just in time to drop our bags off and head to the school to see Morgan in "Through The Decades" performed by Covenant Christian High School Fine Arts Program.  This was an impressive rendition of famous songs from the 1930's up to today's hits.  The school has what is called the Chamber Choir and the Treble Choir.  From what I understand the Chamber is what would be considered varsity. and the Treble is the junior varsity.  I was very impressed with the singing and dancing skills of all of the students.  I was very impressed with the enthusiasm and skill the Treble Choir exhibited.  Of course, my niece was exceptionally good.  This is the first time I have been to any of their school or other performances.  I hope to be able to make it to more.

Saturday night we got back to my sister's house and she and I sat up until 4:30 am just talking.  We don't get the opportunity to get together like that and just sit and visit very often so although we both knew that we should have went to bed so much earlier, we both kept talking.  I paid the price for it with coming down with a massive sinus infection/flu and being in bed for the past couple of days but I still don't regret it.  My sister and I became sisters when my dad married her mom back in 1969.  She is 6 years younger than I am and before she came into my life I was not only Daddy's little girl, but also the baby of the family.  Brenda changed all that.  She came into our world and in the beginning she wasn't very fond of me and I reciprocated the feelings.  If she cried and wanted someone to help her it meant anyone but me.  When she sat on Dad's lap I would almost knock her off so I could sit there instead.  If Dad gave her any attention, I would try to do the same thing to get attention.... note to self, what is cute when a one or two year old does it isn't so cute when a seven or eight year old does.  Anyway, through the years Brenda and I have had our times of being so close and times that we didn't see or really talk for extended periods of time.  Never have we not loved one another, and never have we not cared about what was going on in one another lives.  It is kind of like a really good friend, you don't have to see one another or talk all the time to still care deeply about one another.  Saturday was fun and it was great to visit with them.

Sunday morning we got up and took Hadleigh to Crossroads Christian Church so she could get ready for Seussical the Musical.  This play was performed by Hendricks Civic Theatre group and it was really good.  The show consisted of over 100 kids from ages 5 or so all the way to 17 or 18.   Everything about the show was impressive.  I have to note that the boy who played The Cat in the Hat and the one who played Horton were both incredible.  The Cat, Jim Melton, was so funny, his timing was great and he pretty much stole the show.  My niece was one of the bird girls and she did a great job with the part.  In the show she sang and danced and it was fun to watch.  Hadleigh loves to perform and it shows.  She looks so confident on stage and seems to really enjoy being there.  She does a lot of different performances for a few of the theater groups so I am sure I will have the chance to watch her perform again soon  I look forward to see what the future brings for her.

Family, in my world, means so many different things.  My parents divorced when I was only five. Dad married Kathy and not long after Mom married my step father Jimmie.  Along with these unions came new siblings.  What started out as just my brother and I became me having four brothers and two sisters.  Over the years we have all kept somewhat in contact with and always enjoy when we see one another.  Since Mom's death I haven't had the opportunity to see my step sister and brothers on that side much.  One of my nieces is getting married in May and I am looking forward to a chance to see them and visit with them in Nashville.  I have some friends that don't have a relationship with any of their family.  I find this hard to understand, even though I am sure they have their reasons.  I have so many people that I consider family that mean a lot to me.  I believe that if you have family and friends in your life you should count your blessings, I know I do.  Some people come into your life as friends but become family because they mean so much more than just a friend.  Although there isn't a blood relationship, these people are still family.

If you have family or friends that are like family, embrace them.  Love them and appreciate them.  When something that is important in their lives comes about if you are able, enjoy it with them.  If you can keep in touch with an occasional email, a letter or card, or even better a phone call or a visit try to do so.  You never know when the last time will be, so try to make each time worth remembering.  If you get the opportunity to stay up all night just talking, do it, even if you get a little puny afterwards, it will be worth it.

Day 34 - Francie

Day 34 - This morning I decided to take a picture of this beautiful girl.  This is Francie.  My dad turned 80 last September and he had wanted a puppy for the past four or five years.  My sister has a teacup Yorkie, Lacey, and Dad always thought she was so wonderful.  For his birthday we three kids decided to pool our funds and get him a puppy for his birthday.  She was a little ball of fur and full of energy.

Each time I called Dad over the next few months he had a Francie story for me.  She had ran off and he had to get in the truck and find her, she had used his hands as a chew toy.  Each story began with "that dog".  I would always reply, "yes, but she is so cute".  He would agree and the story would go on.  He did love her, even though they only got three and a half months to bond.  When Dad passed I am sure Francie wasn't sure what was going on, her snuggle buddy wasn't there anymore.  My stepmother was supposed to have some back surgery so my brother and his wife agreed to dog sit for a few months while Kathy recuperated.  After Dad's funeral, when the puppy was supposed to come for its visit, Kathy decided that she didn't want to keep her anymore, so my brother's house became her forever home.  At one time they had a yorkie that they loved dearly and it had died not too long ago.  My sister in law wasn't too sure about the forever home thing for Francie, but they are good loving people and they didn't want Dad's dog, the one he had chosen the name Francie for to go to someone outside the family.  You see, Francie was my grandmother's name.  It was such a sweet gesture of Dad to name her after his mother.

I am dog sitting for Francie this weekend.  I don't mind dog sitting, I kind of enjoy it because I get to play with her and snuggle with her but I don't have to worry about the normal day to day stuff with her.  When I look into this puppy's face and into her eyes I see a loving soul.  She is so lovable and trusting.  She snuggled up with Todd and I last night like she belonged there.  And she does, but only for the weekend.

I have had some dogs in my lifetime that have changed my world.  As a kid I had Mudgy.  She was a mutt that stole our whole family's heart, She showed, as most dogs do, unconditional love.  She was an outside dog that I would sit on the porch for hours and she always sat next to me as if to say "I know what is on your mind and I am here for you".  Later in life I had Dominique.  She was a Maltese.  Again, she was always the first one to greet me at the door with excitement.  No matter how bad my day was she was there and happy to see me.  When I got sick and was in the hospital for an extended time, I believe she thought I died and had a nervous breakdown.  She pulled most of her hair out and when I got home she looked something like an opossum.  When I was pretty much in bed for three months she laid next to me the entire time.  She was like a little furry (when she finally got her hair back) angel.  Dominique passed a few years ago leaving me only with Ralphie in the house and with a feeling that after Ralphie is gone I only want the occasional dog sitting position.

I don't know if my step mother will ever decide she wants Francie back but I do know that whether she lives at my brother's house or my step mother's house she will have a good loving home and she will be a good addition to their family.

I believe that dogs are one animal, even more so than humans, that truly show unconditional love.  You can step on their foot, you can ignore them, you can yell at them and they always come right back willing to love you.  I think the world would be a better place if we all had a little more of this ability.  Today it seems so many are so busy worrying about where someone else has failed.  I think we all need to try to focus on the positives and be the person that is there when someone needs it regardless of past issues.  There are times I know I let down my family and my friends.  Sometimes I haven't been as good of a person to them as I should.  I have been let down by some of my family and friends, but I can assure you that they have all made a difference in my life and I hope that I can in some way convey to each of them how important they are to me.  I can't tell my parents that now, at least not in the way I can others that are still here, but I hope they know how much they were and still are loved and how much I still miss them.

Now I challenge myself, and you to try to forgive those that "stepped on your foot" or hurt you in some small way.  Mend a friendship that meant so much but has broken off for some reason.  Let at least one person know that you forgive them and still care.  It may make a huge difference in their lives.

Day 33 - Still There

Day 33 is a picture of a couple of things that I noticed yesterday morning as I came in to work. It has warmed up, yes spring is really gonna get here!  The small spots of snow seem somewhat pleasant to me.  I think it feels like a victory over winter.  It is like it is slowly going away in defeat.  This winter, especially the last month or so, were tough on me, physically and mentally.  I felt like I struggled through it and when I see the snow going away and the warmer temperatures starting to be more the norm, I feel that better times are ahead.

I am not sure if the stump in the picture has been a stump since before Stan Bahrns built the building here on South Banker or if it was a tree at that time, but right now I only remember it being a stump.  I have noticed it a time or two over the past twenty plus years, but I guess I never really looked at it.  It still holds it's ground.  The owner may have cut the tree down, but in some ways it still won the battle by still being a part of the landscape in that yard.  The stump doesn't really serve any purpose to the owner of the land, but yet it still stands as if it belongs there.  I enjoy seeing the occasional squirrel sitting on it, or the birds that land on it for a quick rest before flying off to some other place.  I park across from the stump every day and glance in it's direction a few times a day without even giving it a second thought.  Now I wonder if it was cut down because it was diseased, or had damage from a storm or was it just in the way of what was built around it?

Like the tree, many times we go through life only affecting those that depend on us to help them survive.  I am sure to the animals that made their homes in this tree it was an important part of their lives.  From the size of the trunk it was a pretty big tree and I am sure it provided a lot of shade and beauty in it's prime.  By branching out of our normal life we may have the opportunity to touch the lives of others, even for a brief moment.  I have read it many times and truly believe that the people that come into and out of our lives do so for a certain reason.  Some of the people that I saw every day and helped make me the person I am now have passed.  I am grateful for the efforts sacrifices they made to be a part of my life.  I know that there are friends I grew up with that have moved or I have lost touch with when I moved that still helped me be the person I am.  There are a few people that came into my life that brought not so happy memories with them, even they still are an important part of who I am.  I may have been something completely different without those influences, but I feel that through it all I have become a person that most times I am happy with.

At certain times in my life I felt like this stump, cut off and somewhat useless.  Now I feel I am still standing like the tree this stump once was, thanks to some and in spite of others.  I feel that there were a few over the years that caused damage that if allowed could have destroyed me, but in so many ways  it may have weakened me for a short time to only allow me to grow stronger in the end.  My challenge to you today is to do whatever it is you can do to become stronger.  Don't let someone cut you down with their "chainsaws".  If you witness someone causing damage to another please stand up and help if you can.  Notice those around you that may need some extra care and if you can offer it please do.  There are times, though in everyone's life that they have to kick into survival mode and may not have the extra to help others because it is taking all they have to take care of themselves.  If you are in this part of your life and you need the extra care, reach out for it - you may be surprised at how much help is there and how many are willing to help place stakes around you to hold you up in the storm.

Day 32 - 4 Years

Day 32 - My picture today is of this little man that came into the world 4 years ago today.  Where do I begin with Kale.  He is so much fun.  If my mom were here she would say he is the one that is full of piss and vinegar.  I know she would have gotten a big kick out of him, and I know for a fact that my dad did.  He is the one that has the what he calls his "shitty smile" (shit eating grin) in every picture.  Kale is the middle child of my oldest daughter.  He likes to always do that thing that you have just told him not to do one more time.

When I look at the smile above I see a boy who has the world by the tail.  At four years old life literally revolves around you.  If something isn't as it should be in your world you can usually do something about it by crying, throwing a fit, or the best way by asking nicely for the problem to be solved by someone in charge.  At four you still have all the joys of life, like Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy,  If you are lucky enough to have an older sibling you have probably been picked on a time or two, have been blamed for a few things that you probably weren't responsible for and you have been loved and protected beyond what you could even imagine by now.

At four you have no idea what sacrifices your parents have already made let alone the ones they will make the rest of their lives to help you.  At four your world consists of what is for supper, what toy you want to add to your Christmas list or what friend is available for a play date.  Although when you are four some days seem like the worst day of your life, you really don't have a clue.

As an adult, some days I want to be four.  Wouldn't it be nice to just sit down and cry and have someone come and fix the flat tire on your car, or even just scrape the ice from the windshield?  Wouldn't it be nice to sometimes be able to just take the thing you want from someone else without feeling guilty about it?  Sometimes wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to smile at an officer that just pulled you over and he chuckle and say, you are just too darn cute to be mad at?  (I know there are a few of you that still can do this)

I challenge everyone, not to act like you are four, because we can't get by with that anymore, but try to see the world a little more like a four year old.  Try to trust others unless they give you reason not to.  Try laughing at the simple things and not sweating the things that you can't change.  Try not worrying about what someone else is doing or has done (gossiping) and only worry about keeping yourself out of the corner.  Most of all - show love and affection and welcome it with open hearts.

Happy Birthday to my favorite four year old.  Grandma is so very proud of you and feels so lucky to be able to call you my grandson!

Day 31 - Icicles

Day 31 - The icicle hanging from my flag pole caught my eye.  I guess I haven't really ever looked real close at one, or at least not since I was young and didn't have my mind bogged down with the other million things going on.  Since I am trying to notice beauty in the world and with mother nature making it real difficult on me the past few weeks I decided to give this formation another look.  I first noticed the different patterns in it formed by the air pockets frozen in natures work of art.  I liked the way the wood from my flag pole helped form the ridges at the top of it and what seems like particles of debris frozen in time within it.  

Icicles are formed when ice or snow is melted by the son or other source of warmth causing the moisture to drip from a surface where it is exposed to colder temperatures allowing it to refreeze. I know really large icicles can break off and be dangerous when they fall to the ground.  Small ones like this aren't harmful, only pretty to look at.  

As I have stated on more than one occasion in my blogs - I am not a big fan of winter.  I do find it pretty, if I can stay inside or only be outside in it long enough to snap a picture and go back into my warm surroundings.  Last night and again this morning I got stuck in my driveway because all the snow we have received lately turned to a semi-frozen slush.  Instead of concentrating on the negative aspects of getting stuck in one's own driveway I choose instead to be grateful that last night I had the wonderful assistance of my neighbor, friend and cousin Gene to give me a few pushes to help guide my van down the lane and into my garage.  This morning I was again assisted by my wonderful husband.  I guess had they not been around I would have worked at it until either I finally got  it unstuck or until I buried it enough that I needed to call for a tractor or tow truck to get me out.  But thanks to them I didn't have to worry about it.

Winter is a fact of life when you live in Illinois.  Winter is a time when we are grateful for the heat in our homes, the friends to give us that push and the knowledge that spring is a short time away.  I will continue to try to find things about winter that are worthy of a photo or two because I know that there will be a lot of beauty in the coming weeks that I will enjoy even more. 

In some ways we form, like an icicle.  When something warms us we open up and let life in a little more than before, but then some element of life can cause the freeze again.  Sometimes we also hold on like the icicle to the roof until something causes us to fall and shatter.  On those days we depend on those around us to again bring the warmth back into our lives so we can start again.  Life is full of elements that can make or break us.  It is our job to capture as much of the warmth as we can, continue to grow and if something causes us to fall we have to find the strength to get up and do it all again.  The thing we all have to remember is winter is only a small part of our lives, the tough stuff will get better if we work at it, and tomorrow will bring the opportunity to find more warmth and give us the opportunity to rebuild if need be.  

Enjoy the day and remember spring is only 16 days away.  Spread some sunshine to someone who needs it.

Day 30 - Venus

Day 30 is of the cast of the SIUE production of Venus.  This is one of the last plays Josh will be performing at SIUE.  I have been to at least a couple of each of the times he has been on stage and have been proud to watch him perform.

This play is written by Susan-Lori Parks and was directed by Kathryn Bentley.  This play is based on a factual story about a woman in the 1800's whose real name was Sarah "Saartjie" Baartman.  She was enslaved and put on display in freak shows due to her body.  She had a very large, as they refer to it in the play "spanker".  People would come to the freak show and pay money to look at and touch her.  

First I want to note that the members of the cast of this play were wonderful.  Olivia Neal played Venus, I can't imagine anyone could have played it better.  She made you feel Venus's pain, both physically, but even more emotionally.  I have had the opportunity to see Ben Nickols in a few different shows over Josh's career at SIUE and I am always impressed with his abilities as an actor.  He played the part of Baron Docteur wonderfully.  As I watched you could feel the Doctor being torn between his love of Venus and the pressures of the outside world. I saw Quincy Gordon in a The Servant of Two Masters, if he has a lot of lines or only a few he will leave a great impression.  I really enjoyed Summer Baer in Servant of Two Masters and she was really good again in this show.   Ashley Dozier played three different parts, very convincingly might I add - I had also seen her in Servant.  She is a really good actress and I always enjoy seeing her perform.  The play also included Kenny Coleman as the Negro Ressurrectionist and Luis Castro as a Chorus Member and the young man.  These two were also in Servant and I enjoyed their performances.  This is the first time I have seen Chelsea Ford, Lisa Hinrichs, Thalia Cruz and Ashley Beal as well as Olivia Neal.  Of course, I enjoyed watching Josh on stage, as I always do.  I know the passion he has for the path he has chosen and I hope it works out for him to do what he loves.  I give kudos to the director and the entire cast and crew.  You put on a very believable performance.  I saw it three times and each time enjoyed it.  

As I watched the performances of the play it is easy to feel very sad for the conditions Sarah (Venus) had to survive.  First she was orphaned, then sold into slavery, then being sold to a freak show.   At one point in the play she is purchased by a doctor who's intentions are to dissect her body and take all the measurements in order to be able to publish a medical journal about her.  Throughout the play Venus is put in and sometimes puts herself in situations that would break the average person.

The woman the story is about was born in South Africa, and sold into slavery.  Note the years the story was set in was late 1700's and early 1800's.  Some of the things that happened to her, as with many people of that era were wrong.  As a white woman born in the early 1960's I realize that even then there were a lot of events that happened that weren't right.  I know history is a very important part of our lives.  We all need to know about the things that happened in the world in the past so we can learn from and hopefully correct the errors.  I feel as a country we have come a long way, but as a realist I also understand that there will probably never be a time that all people will get along seamlessly and without issues.

Sometimes I believe that the media causes more of a divide than would be there without it.  As an example, if you put 2 and 3 year old children of different races in a room together to play with no outside influences they probably won't even notice the differences in one another.  They will only care about if the other child is going to share a toy or play with them.  As children grow they are going to naturally gravitate to others that have the same interests as they do, again without any input from others they would continue to ignore the race differences.  If they like the same things and treat one another with respect,  it is my opinion, they will continue to like one another if they aren't influenced in any way.

After the first Sunday performance the audience was invited to stay after for a discussion with the play's director,  the cast and a psychology professor at SIUE.  The first question posed to us was how did the play make us feel about the oppression of the main character and how her being enslaved affected us.  I do feel that she was treated very unfairly, I also know that many people of that time were enslaved and lived horrible lives.  I also believe in today's world that the opportunity to be successful is out there for all people.  I look at the professor that directed the play and the professor that medicated the discussion.  They are very successful black women.  I am sure they worked very hard for their success and should be proud of the people they are today.  I have female friends that are professors, lawyers, and doctors.  My sister is a successful air traffic controller.  I am not as successful in some peoples eyes as these women, but I feel that I have succeeded in life.  I am proud of my family and my career as an office manager for a small business.  

I know that there are circumstances out there that put roadblocks in the way of some people's successes.  I believe, though, that some people of all races build their own roadblocks.  I have seen some that I care about make choices that hurt their chances of being successful in life.  I believe that once a person becomes an adult it is time to stop relying on past issues as an excuse as to why the world is treating them unfairly.  Trust me,  I do understand that there are exceptions, but for the most part in this day and age we make the bed that we lie in.  I believe if we would all stop throwing the race card as the first response to many situations, especially the media, we just might all get along better.  Again as a realist I know that we are all human, we will never all get along all the time.  If we all took just a few minutes to realize that we all struggle with things, I don't know anyone who had a perfect childhood, so before judging a person based on the fact that they are white or they are black or any other color, know that under the skin there are a lot more similarities than you may know.  

I also know that today slavery still exists.  One form of it isn't based on any skin color, the world of sex trading is bigger than many know.  According to polarisproject.org in 2013 the National Human Trafficking Resource Center received over 3,600 cases from within the United States.  It is assumed that 1 in 7 runaways are sex trafficking victims.  They state that globally there are between 4 - 5 million people, both male and female trapped in the sex trade world.  This is a current slavery issue that I feel needs more attention.  

I know I was told a lot over my lifetime - life isn't fair.  I feel that at a certain point in life it is time to take responsibility for what happens.  If you were dealt a bad hand in life, discard it and draw a new one from the deck.  If you have made some choices that you regret, ask for forgiveness, do what you can to make it up and move on with a new attitude.  Get help if you need it, but don't continue to blame the past for your misfortunes.  It is your life, not your ancestors or even your parent's life, it is yours.