Where did the time go?

 

These two have a bond.  Josh is the "Funcle" for both my daughter's kids.  They know 

he can be counted on for saying the inappropriate thing that will lighten even the darkest 

of days.  They know he is usually up to a video game or now a trip to the bowling alley.  

The younger of the two is Kaden, he is my oldest grandson and has gone from the little 

guy who was hanging out with Uncle Josh as we dropped him off for his freshman year at 

college to now being the one who will be heading to college in the fall.  The older is the 

baby of my three and in a few short weeks he and his wife will be welcoming his baby girl. 

I am proud of both of these guys and look forward to the future they both have in front of 

them.  Now Kaden will be able to teach the new little one all the wisdom her father passed 

on to him. we will get a picture of them as she graduates.... probably sooner than we think.

KD, Keep your vision ahead, stay focused and remember you have the biggest fan club

 here at home.  Josh, enjoy every moment of fatherhood. They leave the nest before you 

are ready.  

Little Miss

 

Above is my Granddaughter, Ali Jay. She is a full of life 3 1/2 year old that is energetic and in Grandma's eyes perfect.  She is one of three kids in my daughter's family and is the baby.  She came into the world during covid and has been on her own path ever since.  She is beginning to speak, and the words and phrases she is starting to say melt the hearts of our family.  She is a free spirit, with a very strong will.  She loves Mickey Mouse, books, her big brother, Drew, and her parents.  She is a big Mommy's girl.  If she is outside she is running, she goes non-stop and when she sets her sights on something, she is very determined to get it.  

She looks and has so many traits that remind me of her mom, she gives hugs, and kisses and loves to see others hugging as well.  

Like I said, Ali was born during the covid era.  We weren't allowed to come to the hospital to see her when she was born, we waited patiently until they could bring her home to be introduced.  I have talked to so many with kids around Ali's age that are repeating our concerns about speech.  Her parents have gone through all the expenses and worries, can she hear, is she autistic, what will her future be like, etc.  She has had special help at daycare until she "aged" out at three years old (you don't even want to get me started there - Three?  Really??) Those ladies that worked with her were amazing and Ali loved getting to go and work with them.  Now the only option my daughter has is to take her to school in the town she lives in for pre-school, (Where she is again working with some awesome teachers), drive 20 minutes to work, only to take her lunch two hours later to drive back to the school and pick her up, drop her off at her work's daycare, go back to work and finish her day.  It is a hassle, but that's what we parents do.  Whatever it takes to give our kids the best options.  

As we watch Ali make new achievements in her development we celebrate them all.  I know in my heart that Ali Jay is perfectly Ali Jay.  She is exactly who The Lord made her to be and she will grow into an incredible, strong willed, loving person, just like her momma.  

Small Towns

 

Living in a small town isn't for everyone.  Some crave the big city hustle and bustle.  Bigger cities do have their advantages.  There is always something to do, there are more options when it comes to medical treatments, shopping options are bigger, etc.  I wouldn't trade my small town communities for any of the above.  

Two years ago right before Christmas my daughter was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.  She is a wife and the mom of 4 boys.  She has two awesome siblings, a sister and a brother from my husband and I's relationship and she has another two wonderful sisters from her father.  

The picture above was taken at a benefit that was put on to help her and her family put some money away to help with her treatments as she battles the beast of cancer.  Her cancer has metastasized to her liver and her lungs.  I was approached by some of the most caring and giving people I have ever met with the idea of putting on a benefit for her.  These ladies worked and organized in unbelievable fashion.  They put on one of the largest and most organized benefits I have ever seen.  We are from Teutopolis, but also lived in Dieterich for some years.  Heather graduated from Dieterich.  She has so many friends and family in both towns.  After she married she, along with her husband purchased a house in Altamont.  She fell in love with the town as soon as they settled.  She has enjoyed helping plan the centennial celebration, being in the sports boosters and she absolutely loves her church.  She has worked the last couple of years as a school cook at her son's school and enjoys it so much.  She has made friendships and connections that will be lifelong friendships.  She has amazing friends and family from all over that helped with the benefit as well.  

The support she and her family have received from Altamont, Dieterich and Teutopolis as well as Effingham area people is unbelievable.  The benefit was so wonderful and will go far in helping take some of the pressure off of her during her fight.  I honestly believe that if we lived in a bigger city the support she has wouldn't be there, the close friendships she has made with those around her would have been much less likely.  

I am so glad she landed in Altamont, it may be small but it is filled with people with big hearts.  

If you are interested in following her journey, she has a Caringbridge site and you can find it here. https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/heatherdavis81 

To all the committee members of Heather's benefit.  You are amazing and I can't even begin to thank you or express how much we appreciate all your time and effort.  

Looking in the mirror

​After a recent visit by my grandkids, I noticed this on the mirror behind the door in my bedroom. To some this may look like an inconvenience because you have to clean it. Trust me, this mirror needed cleaned anyway, so I see it as a work of art. Those handprints mean my beautiful granddaughter came to visit, she found grandpa’s candy stash, and she looked at herself in this mirror. I can only hope that she will always see the beauty that I see in her when she sees herself in any mirror. 

As we grow older, we tend to see the flaws, the wrinkles, the age spots, the fat, etc. etc. when we look ourselves in the mirror, but I hope that she always sees how beautiful she really is. I have been blessed with some of the best grandkids but I believe that is because first I was blessed with the three best kids.

This past year, our family was knocked down with a diagnosis of my daughter’s stage four colon cancer. Although in many ways this has been one of the worst years of my life. It’s also been one of the years that I am most proud of my family. We have stood by one another and we’re all in this fight with her and will continue to be until she can say she is cancer free. 

As I look at the mirror daily, when I’m getting ready for work, or to go somewhere, I see the age in my face, and I know that all of ours time on this earth is limited, not just those of us that have been diagnosed with anything. I believe that when you look in the mirror you have to except your flaws you have to worry less about what other people think and more about what the good Lord knows. You’ve gotta learn to love yourself along with your flaws.

As we begin another year, I hope those around me know I care deeply even though I’m not always the best at showing it; I think of you often even if I don’t express it like I should; and I appreciate you all more than I could ever say.

I hope my kids realize that I know I’m not perfect I never was, but I’ve always cared so deeply for all of you. 

I pray that 2023 brings great memories, great advances in medicine, lots of healing for our health and our souls, and I hope 2023 brings more families together. 

I hope everyone embraces the autographs left by the little ones on their mirrors or glass doors. I hope everyone embraces the flaws in others knowing that they probably aren’t trying to irritate you, and I hope that 2023 and beyond this little girl can always look in any mirror and see the beauty that I see.

John 15:12 "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."

Honoring a Legend

 

This is an older picture.  It was taken back in 2014.  It is a picture I treasure because it is with a guy that I have been honored to have as an important part of my life.  This was when my 25th year at Bahrns Equipment was celebrated.  Boy, it doesn't seem like I have been here almost 33 years now.  You know what they say when you love what you do you don't work a day in your life.  I do love my job, and the main reason is because of the guy in this picture.  We lost Stan September 22 of last year and we still feel the void.  This guy was like a father figure or a favorite uncle.  He had wisdom that still amazes me, he could build anything and was kind, honest and hard working.  He started the company many years ago and set the atmosphere of customer service and taking pride in your work as well as being fair. 

Back in 2013 Stan had been diagnosed with liver disease and his health was deteriorating.  He still showed up for work pretty much every day.  He was weak, but his spirit didn't waiver at all.  He was here to support everyone, and he was still witty and caring.  My family had planned a surprise party for my 50th birthday.  Stan was so weak and still needing a new liver.  I was shocked about the party, but was especially shocked to see my Dad there and then I saw Stan and his wife Alyene there as well.  I couldn't believe he took the time to come to the party.   When it came time to blow out the candles Stan asked what I wished for.  I told him my wish.... it was for him to get a liver.  I was so happy to hear the next morning that he was in surgery because they had gotten a call in the middle of the night that a liver had been located for him.  

Stan built a business and he and Alyene raised three awesome kids and he prepared them to carry on the business that he built with blood, sweat and tears.  I am proud to work for the Bahrns Family, and as we carry on, I won't lie, I still look into his office wishing he was sitting at the desk.  Not because the company has changed, it is still customer oriented and family owned, but because I miss his wit, his wisdom and him in general.  Because of all the employees that knew and loved him and because his family, the business will carry on and even grow, but life will never be the same without the Legend.  Those whose lives he touched are better because of him and a part of him lives on in each of us.  Continue to fly high Stan, I believe every day is a good flying day in Heaven and with God as your Co-Pilot the view has to be amazing.  

While we are busy and go through life, I recommend you search for and find a "Stan" in your life, even better, be a "Stan" to others.  Be that person that at the end of your life people will remember you with a smile, with great memories and feeling that their life is better because you were a part of it.  I try to live this, I know I am not anywhere near Stan Bahrns at it but I do try to be better today than I was yesterday.  

MVP Happy Holler

 This is a picture taken at an establishment that I truly believe if you haven't been there you need to visit.  Beginning in 2008 Todd's Zerrusen cousins began a tradition that they went to the MVP Happy Holler on the 4th of July every year.  We started joining them a couple years later and enjoyed celebrating our anniversary there, Todd and I were married on the 4th of July 35 years ago.  Each year we plan our annual tradition and the owners have always treated us great and a good time is always had by all.  We have had bands, DJ's and/or Karaoke, cold beverages and dogs, pigs, and other animals to entertain the kids (of all ages).  Some years we are joined by a large group and other years it is small but it is always fun.  This establishment is located on the Embarras River out in the middle of nowhere, but worth the trip to get there.

As I look at this picture I see all three of my kids, their spouses and all my grandkids, also known as My World.  I also see my ex-husband and his wife who are great friends that celebrated their 26th anniversary the next day.  I see my brother and sister-in-law that mean the absolute world to me.  They are two people that I have always been able to count on and they are incredible people.  I see some near and dear friends to me that make my world complete and we missed a few that couldn't make it this year because of other things going on and or they wanted to skip a year.  I know I have been blessed with the best circle of people around me and our family.  

Making memories with your family is important.  If you have the opportunity to get together with those that make up your world, TAKE IT!  As a mom, watching your child fight a life threatening disease and getting the opportunity to see them make memories with their friends, our family and see them smile and have fun is PRICELESS.  None of us know what the Good Lord has in store for us, so we need to live every day like it is our last.  The phrase, LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE means more to me now than it ever did.  Hug hard, love hard and LIVE FULLY!  My daughter has amazing prayer warriors which is why I believe the treatment that we found out yesterday originally had a 20% chance of shrinking the lesions the cancer that had spread from her colon has helped.  We continue to pray to someday hear the phrase Cancer Free.  Until that happens we are enjoying every memory, and praising God for the caregivers that are helping her fight.  I know some don't understand why we put ourselves out there and air all our personal stuff - but if you have ever met us you know we are an open book, we don't hide our crazy - we put it on the front porch and hand it a beverage.  But the main reason is I feel every prayer that bends God's ear helps.  

Love your family, and remember family doesn't have to be a relative, your family is those you have around you that love you and have your back.  If it is a relative, great, and if not they are still family. 

  

Siblings for Life

This is a picture I took of two of my grandsons a few summers ago.  They are feeding the fish and just hanging together.  My oldest daughter has blessed me with four wonderful  grandsons and my middle daughter's family has blessed me with two amazing granddaughters and an incredible grandson.  

The grandkids are all so different, yet all the same in so many ways.  They all have such distinct personalities and each one has traits that I admire.  I have from a quiet bashful to the future comedian.  Even our youngest is beginning to show her independent personality (much like her mother) at 18 months.  I have the athletic to the creative, they have their own abilities and their own dreams.  I only hope that the siblings always have one another's backs and the cousins always have a relationship like my kids have with many of their cousins.  

Every child deserves to be themselves, every child deserves to have parents that love, care for and discipline them.  I feel my grandkids are going to grow into incredible adults and I look forward to what the future holds for each of them.  I pray they always know just how much Grandma Tara loves them and enjoys watching them grow into who they are and who they will be.

Remembering The Life

I took this picture on an emotional evening.  We were celebrating the life of a dear friend who we lost suddenly and unexpectedly a little over a year ago.  This great guy was not only a great friend, he was family as well.  On the night in the picture we were celebrating the person he was, celebrating all the memories we shared with him. 

He is still so much a part of all of our lives, his memory will forever be a part of all of us.  From his loving mother, and sisters who thought the world of him, to his brother who was also his best friend, to his niece and nephew who he adored, to each of the friends he made over the years.  He was not only a brother-in-law to my daughter, he was also a dear friend of hers.  Any time his name comes up there are a number of stories to be told and laughs about the good times had with him, he had so many that loved him.  

His life was over long before any of us were ready for it to be.  We have faith that he will be there to greet us when our lives come to an end.  We don't know what the future holds for any of us but the loss we experienced when he passed has made me look at each day with a new perspective.  

When Jay passed he was an organ donor.  So his time in this world not only touched the lives of all his friends, family, and students.  He changed the lives of four people who get the opportunity to hug their loved ones another day.  The gift of his heart, lungs, liver and kidneys have given those that love the recipients another opportunity to make more memories with them.  In so many ways, he lives on.  

When someone you know loses a loved one, be it a friend or family member, please be patient with them.  The grieving process is different for each of us.  Some may close out others, at least at first, others need that ear to listen to the same stories over and over and a shoulder to cry many tears on.  Reach out, remember the loved one that has passed and be patient and kind.  

I know this family is surviving.  In many ways they have begun their new normal life, but I know that not a day goes by that each of them doesn't think of him, miss him like crazy, and hurt in ways that some will never understand.  Their new normal, sucks and shouldn't be the normal they have to live with.  

I also have friends who are mourning the loss of their children from accidents, illness and suicide.  All are equally heartbroken, and all are suffering the same loss, the same brokenness .

My love goes to all that are hurting, and my daily prayers include strength for those that have lost a child, a sibling, a spouse, a parent, or family member, and those that have lost close friends to have the strength to continue on another day and for them to have faith that we will all be reunited some day in Heaven where we will all share those memories, hugs and laughs again.  

Please say a prayer for those that are hurting, and make sure to let those you love know that you do, none of us are guaranteed another opportunity to do so.  

They grow up so fast

Today marks a new phase of life for our family.  The baby of the family moved out and is on his way to Chicago.  The baby, mind you is 25, but he is the baby, and the only boy of our bunch so he has been coddled by not only me, but also by his two big sisters. 

As your kids grow you are always excited to see what the future holds for them and still the heart strings tug a little when they head out to find just what that is. 

Josh will be fine, he is going to be joined in Chicago by his girlfriend and they will have successes and failures but it will all work out.  He has dreamed of this day for a long time and I have as well.  I have watched him act and tell jokes for a number of years now, always being so proud of what he is doing.  And now he gets to spread his wings and see just where they take him.

So as of today, a piece of my heart lives in Chicago.  I can't wait to see what happens next. 

Love, Support, Laughs and Farewells

I haven't posted for a very long time.  It is my goal to get back to regular posts.  As I type this I am really tired from a long day and night, but wanted to capture my feelings before ending the day. About four years ago Josh decided to give stand up comedy a try.  He had gotten second place at a contest at SIUE's "Funniest Person On Campus" contest.  He has always enjoyed being in front of a crowd and making people laugh.  The picture above wasn't taken by me because I wanted to be a part of the photo.  This photo was taken by the Xtreme Bingo caller after a night of fun with all three of my kids, my son's wonderful girlfriend and some of the best friends anyone could ask for.  The stage we are on is at a comedy club in Fairview Heights, Illinois called Hey Guys Comedy.  This place holds a special place in our family's hearts because it was the first place that Josh took the stage at an open mic.  Two of the club owners are in the photo with us because through the last four years they have helped develop Josh into a comedian that is comfortable on stage.  He has had a few over the years that have given him valuable information and opportunities, but this club has become a second home for him.  

Note, this club is an hour and a half from our house.  I know if I get on the interstate by 5:15 pm I can get there in time to get seated and have a cold drink before the show starts.  I wish it were closer, because if I had a place like that near me I would go all the time.  Laughter is something that our world lacks today.  We need to laugh more and criticize and nit pick less.  

When I go to Hey Guys, especially when I am there to watch Josh perform, I love seeing the crowd's response to the person on stage.  I love comedy and I have seen some of Josh's best performances and some of his not so great ones as well.  It always amazes me when a joke is found hilarious by one crowd and barely gets a smile from another.  That is what makes a comedian's job a challenge.  

Josh is heading to Chicago to give his acting and stand-up a shot.  I know he has a lot of hills to climb and will encounter a lot of road blocks, but I am excited to see what the future holds.  Wish him luck!

Two Years.....

As I post today I realize just how long it has been.  I have been taking a few pictures, but hope to have the time to really get back into taking them. But for today I am using a picture that was taken by someone else almost four years ago.  It was taken during my surprise 50th birthday party.  In the picture are my family including my dad and my brother and sister-in-law.  

In January of this year, my dad has been gone for 2 years.  A lot of things have happened in my life in those two years.  Just to name a few, I have celebrated the birth of two new grandsons, through my daughter's marriage in October I have acquired a new son-in-law and a new granddaughter.  All are things that my parents would have been so happy about.   They would have both celebrated these events with me and I would have taken lots of pictures of them enjoying all of it.  

Some people think I take too many pictures.  I know that sometimes I probably do.  When I take a photo, I take more than one to try to get the shot, the perfect one.  So many times I miss the one that I am going for, or the ones that I did take don't turn out quite as I had pictured them in my head, but for the most part, I haven't regretted ever taking a picture.  

The older I get, the more I appreciate the pictures I have taken and have received over the years.  It is amazing to me to see how my kids have grown into adults that I cherish as some of my best friends.  As I have taken pictures of them with past boyfriend or girlfriends it makes me appreciate the ones they have in their lives now and as my daughters have given me grandkids, I get to compare the pictures of them with the pictures of their kids, and I hope to someday compare those with my great-grandkids as well.  

When I see pictures of Mom and Dad, and when their birthday or death anniversary I look through my pictures and always wish I had a current one to post.  I look at Dad in some of the pictures we took at his 80th birthday party and see in his eyes how tired he really was.  He always put a smiling face on for me and seemed to sugar coat how he was feeling, but the signs of his health were there.  

I guess where I am going with this, is err on the side of too many pictures.  Irritate everyone if you have to because you really don't know when the last chance you have to take a picture of those people will be.  It is an inconvenience for a moment for them to stop and smile but those pictures, one day, will be some of your most prized possessions.  Pictures don't always have to be posed, snapshots, when those you love don't even know you are taking them, can be priceless.  

And always know, especially with digital photos, you can always delete it, but once the moment has passed you will never have the opportunity to photograph it again.  

Love your family and friends and love yourself, life is short!

New Starts

Every morning I notice the sunrise.  There is something about a sunrise that has always intrigued me. This morning's sunrise was no exception.  My morning commute to work is spent in silence.  I turn off the radio, I talk to my parents in Heaven, and I thank God for another day.  I know that each day is a new opportunity.  It is an opportunity to begin again, to be a better person.  I know that I don't always succeed at being the person I want to be, I know that I could be so much better than I am, but every morning I set my goals to be the best I can be.

Every day is a blessing.  We hear that all the time, but it is so true.  The new day is a chance to apologize to someone who you have wronged, a chance to give a hug to someone you care about, and even just a chance to smile at a person who is having a bad day.

When my mom passed away, we were going through her things and I found her journal.  She didn't write a lot in it, but the days that she did write, she always ended it by writing Thank you Jesus for another day.  Mom didn't grow up with a lot of religion in her life.  She always believed in God, but it wasn't until late in life that she really began to feel comfortable in church.  She had always wanted to join a church but didn't want to feel stupid or out of place.  When she moved to Keyesport she joined he small Christian church there.  Almost immediately she felt at home there.  She told me many times how the pastor there had the most beautiful voice.  Mom loved her sermons, and she loved hearing her sing even more.  Mom's pastor sang at her funeral and I agree, she sounded wonderful.

I believe a new start is something that is a blessing, it is something to not be taken for granted.  If you have been given a second chance be happy and make the best of it.  If you need to give someone a second chance and you get the opportunity to do so, think about it and if you can please do.  Most of all, make each day the best it can be.  Smile at others and hug those you love.  Like I have said so many times life is too short to be grumpy.

PaPa

I

I decided to post this picture of two very important guys to me.  The young man on the left is my grandson.  He is the youngest of my oldest daughter's kids and he is jumping into the arms of my husband, Todd.  This little guy as well as his two older brothers think the sun rises and sets in Papa Todd.  

Papa Todd is the guy that will tote them around for hours when they are little enough to be held.  Mama snuggles with them but when it comes to hossing them around I am not one to do that.  Papa Todd is the one that purposely ignores the sound of the candy jar opening when it is too early or too late for them to have more candy.  They know Papa Todd will probably allow them a few more handfuls of candy then what they should have.  

On this day Papa Todd was teaching Keaton to jump into his arms from the top of a picnic table.  He was a little hesitant at first, but he knew Papa wouldn't let him fall and eventually jumped into his arms. 

We are blessed to have wonderful grandkids and along with our kids they are what makes life so very wonderful.  I look forward to any chance to spend time with them and being called Grandma or Mama is some of the best times I have ever known.  

I remember my Grandparents.  I had some wonderful ones and the ones that have passed are dearly missed. I am glad we have been allowed to be here for our grandkids and I hope we will be around for a long time to enjoy them.  My Grandad is going to be 105 years old in a few weeks.  He is my step - grandfather, so I didn't get any of those genes, but he is a really wonderful man who has always been kind hearted.

The trust a child puts into an adult is so heartwarming.  Even before we have had the opportunity to earn their trust, they instinctively trust us.  When I watch Todd play ball or interact with our grand kids I love him even more than before.  I know he loves those kids so much and he enjoys the fact that when we walk in the door, the boys normally say "Grandpa!!! oh, hi Grandma"  It makes me happy to know that we are loved and our grandkids know they are and will always be loved as well.

We all need to remember to earn the trust that we have been given and show those we love how we feel.  If someday a tomorrow comes and I am no longer here, I feel confident that my family will know that I care so deeply for them all and they have been such a blessing to me.  I hope that I am around for many more years, but through the loss of my parents and other loved ones I know all too well that life is too short to not be happy.

Total Relaxation

The picture above was taken from the back of a houseboat last summer.  Every few years some of my in-laws and a few friends take a houseboat trip to get away from it all.  This past summer we decided to make the trip to Kentucky Lake.  We boarded the boat on Sunday and we headed home on Thursday.

The trip is one of complete fun and relaxation.  I have often wished that the trip was one that my husband would enjoy and go along.  Everyone else on the trip brings their spouses and I, instead, bring a wonderful friend.  Julie and I have been friends since we were in high school.  She went to college while I got married and had kids.  After college she married and has a wonderful family of her own too.  Our sons are the same age, the difference is her son is her oldest child and mine is the baby of our family.  We have so much in common, even though we live so very different lives.  I live in a small town and am an office manager.  She lives near a bigger city and is an attorney.  We are the type of friends that even though we don't talk often, when we do it is as if we spoke yesterday.  I wish we lived closer, but even though we don't we know if needed the other would be there in a minute.

This trip is one I look forward to.  It is filled with laughter, some drinks, and a lot of relaxation.  It is one time where I don't feel responsible for anyone but myself.  I do my share of work on the boat, but I eat when I want to, I sleep when and however long I wish, and I float in the water for hours at a time.

When I look at this picture I can still hear the waves slapping against the houseboat and the birds chirping as they were flying around.  I can feel the warmth of the sun hitting my face as I relaxed on the deck of the boat.  I can feel the calm rocking of the boat and if I listen real close the sound of a fish that has flipped out of the lake can be heard as it slaps against the water.  I usually am the first one up in the mornings.  I like to get up and take in the peace and quiet of nature for a few minutes before I make breakfast and begin the days.  It is times like this moment that I am at total peace.

There is a spiritual feeling when you take the time to bask in the beauty of nature.  Taking the time to enjoy the wonderful world that we have been given.  It is so easy to believe in God when you are able to sit and pray in silence while being surrounded by such amazing sights as this.  Watching the sun come up over the lake and realizing that each morning we are given a new day, a new chance to make ourselves and the world around us even better is such an overwhelmingly good feeling.

The boat trip is only four days every couple years.  I am already looking forward to the next one.  I love the people that I get to spend those fun filled days with and for some reason, spending the time on a boat with them makes it even more special.  My goal, though, is to find this same beauty in my everyday life.  I have been blessed with the most amazing people that I am allowed to spend my days with and even if we aren't on a boat, or in such calm surroundings I am so glad they are along with me for the trip called life.

Spider

This was a picture of a spider and it's web that I took last fall.  I kind of forgot about it but when I came across the picture I remember the night I took the photo.  We were out on our deck and in the light I watched the spider working so hard to maintain the web.  It worked quickly and constantly as other things would get caught in the web and tear it up.  The spider is something that I enjoy watching as long as it is outside and not near me.  I don't like them in my house or when I walk into one of their webs; although I have a fear of them, they still intrigue me.

Spiders bring on fear in a lot of people.  Fear, whether it is real or all in a person's mind can be debilitating.  Many people suffer with fear and anxiety on a daily basis and for some it is paralyzing.  We have all felt fear, and most of us know what anxiety feels like.  For many people these are things that affect their everyday life.  Most families have at least one person who suffers with anxiety.  Some people are able to hide it and live somewhat normal lives and many take medications to help them through the day to day things that others don't even think about.

I have talked to few people who can't leave their homes because fear overwhelms them.  In their conscience mind they know that what they are afraid of is not realistic, but their sub-conscience tells them otherwise.  I have chatted with a person who wanted to die because she was afraid every day of her life.  The anxiety had pushed her to a point of wanting to end it all because she was tired of fighting it.  Our conversation lasted for hours as she poured her heart out about the things that terrified her.  Some of these things seem so trivial, but it was keeping her from going to work, from visiting her kids and even from wanting to wake up the next day.

In the bottom left hand corner of the picture, you will see a moth that is stuck in the spider's web.  That moth was struggling to get away from what seemed like it's fate.  The fear that moth was probably experiencing represents what a person suffering with anxiety disorder must feel like.  As I watched the spider make its way to what seemed like the web's victim the moth was able to free itself and escaped with its life.

If you know someone who is suffering from any form of mental illness please do what you can to help them break free from the paralyzing effects of their life.  I know that you can't do a lot, they have to fight for themselves to break free, but sometimes being there for them may be enough to give them the strength they need.  If you are the one suffering from depression or anxiety disorder, know that you aren't alone.  Know that there are people out there that want to help.  If you have tried therapy and it didn't help, don't give up.  Keep looking for the right therapist, you deserve to get the help you need to break free from the webs in your life.

I am so proud to volunteer my 4 hours a week for Crisis Text Line (CTL).  The people I am lucky enough to chat with have shown the strength to take the first step to get better.  Some are suicidal when we begin to chat and, for me, there isn't a better way to end a conversation with a person than having them tell me that they feel better, that they will seek the help they deserve and they will make it through another day.

If you are in a dark place and are feeling like you are in crisis.  You can text 741-741 to chat with a caring volunteer counselor.  We are there because we want to be, and whether you know it or not, we really do care.